The Year Is 1998
Join me on a journey back in time to hear what 15-year-old Melissa wanted us all to know.
The year is 1998. The spoken word essay Wear Sunscreen is very popular and played as a commencement speech for graduating classes. It is lofty and beautiful, a guide for how to live and also permission to dream. High school Melissa is fifteen and full of angst and a deep desire to fit in.[1] She feels lonely and hopeful, sad and optimistic—the dichotomy of teenage times, I suppose. She writes poems, essays, and letters to her parents that she will never give them.
I was looking for photos and found the box with folders full of college-ruled notebook paper torn from spiral-bound books with jagged edges. There are creases from time and the stale smell of cigarette smoke from living in a house with a smoker. The paper feels crisp and fragile—a time capsule of my mind.
I want to share this naively hopeful essay that I wrote. It is in the style of Wear Sunscreen, and I jotted it down during the spring of 1998. I am including all original punctuation and spelling so that we (read: I) can practice being kind to little teenage Melissa for the mistakes she was making. Trust me when I say improper use of commas was the half of it. Here we go…
“Be kind to everyone, see, feel, and even taste love. Understand what is not tangible and exist in all that is. When you learn how to accept change, teach me how. See the beauty that life gives to you, and accept what is not beautiful. Learn how to be a surviver. Respect everyone, respect yourself. Know that hate, and love and everything that falls meticulously in between are acceptable, valid things to feel. Run, not away from anything, but towards yourself, if you cannot run, let your spirit do it for you. Beleive before you don’t. Have faith in all that is true. Value friendships but [2] family. Don’t yell, I promise you will be heard. Tell the truth, if to no else, at least to yourself. Five others gifts, and you will receive more in life. Trust that it will get better but be honest and know that it will get worse sometimes. Don’t try to make sense of life. You can’t find the answer if you don’t know the question. Smile because you can Cry because you can, smile because you don’t think you can. Own a pet, even an imaginary one. Don’t be too courageous, fear will help you grow. Ask lots of questions. Trust that you don’t know everything, and no one else does either. Celebrate your failers.[3]and recognize your successes. Try to leave a lasting impression on someone. Beleive that you will always be there for yourself. Buy flowers for yourself. Take bubble-baths. Know that you are never too old for playing and napping. Enjoy snacks! If you expect the worst, you’ll never be disappointed, but you may never see the best. Don’t lose sight of how good things are when trying to change them. Be an artist in your own way. Everything that I have said above is what will allow a full life, where ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE."
Luckily, that tortured girl persisted with some of those beliefs intact. It is wild to look back, knowing what I know now. I wish I could give her a hug, and thank her for staying the course, letting the optimism win. Because so much of what she thought then was what allowed her to get here now, which is a pretty beautiful place to be.
[1] Oh, look at me, 25 years later, the same desires. Sigh.
[2] This is blank on my handwritten note. I didn’t know what you should do with family.
[3] I know. That’s an ironic misspelling
Your maturity of thought at 15 is quite amazing. I think back to when I was 15 and mostly what I was concerned about was surviving school and making sure I was pleasing my parents with my grades.🤦♂️
“Enjoy snacks!”
I love young you and the words she wrote. Plus, the snack comment confirms I know her as an adult.